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love can conquer whatever it might takes

Sunday, December 13, 2009 |

3:47 AM

now's 3.13 a.m

today is 13 dec 2009.

It should be a happy day.

but it turned out to be the day i've always wanted to avoid the most

_________________________________________________________________________

I don't know what is happening to me anymore.

callin ivy in the middle of the night to calm myself and stop my tears from flowing.

luckily she's not like other ppl.
luckily she's not that type of ppl that see me as emo and crazy

i'm not crazy.

i just want things to be alright.

i just want things to be back to normal.

is that too much to ask for?

is that too much?

I won't take sleeping pills anymore as i promised you, wh, reuben, ys, ivy and aaron edi

to whoever who are reading this,
i don't care how you look at me.
this is what i feel.
this is my blog.

yes i'm emotional at times because i'm human.

i'm not like other ppl who have perfect lives.

i'm not like other ppl who have so many ppl to count on even when they're just a lil sad.

i'm not self pitying.

i'm just explaining the fact.

now, i even think i'm crazy d.

if only i can write chinese,

i would have written all these in chinese to explain my feelings clearer and better.

maybe i have a bad temper.

yeah i do but i've always tried to control it since i love you

i've tried many ways.

uncountable ways to change myself to a better person for you

but you said you're not good enough for me.

why?
i thought you said " perfect born in lover's eyes "

if you love someone,
the imperfect person may look totally perfect for you because you love them.

is love a very hard feeling to accept ma?

i thought love is kind and caring.

you said you take promises seriously and will never break them
now you're saying you're sorry and you've decided to break them

if you knew this was going to happen,

i hope you wouldn't give me such high hopes till i can't see what's infront of me besides you

everyone may call me a dumbass for loving a person i should not love.

but sorry to everyone, i chose to love this person.

__________________________________________________________________________

today,

before you came,

i talked to a new friend i made today.

i asked her

" Whoa, you're quite old already. Don't you have a boyfriend? "

She shooked her head.

" Nah. I don't feel like having one. Haha. I used to have one last time. We spent every single day together.

We were classmates. During school hours, we hang out everywhere together. After school, he'll come over to my place and we'll have lunch together and do homework till around 10 to 11 pm only he'll go back "

me?*shocked*
" Wow, then why isn't he with you now? "

her

" Well, he kinda dumped me. Maybe because I didn't really give him some space "

Then I told her,
" Its alright to love someone but we're having our own life too. Example, you have a interest in dancing. But he complained that you didn't really spent time with him. So, you let go your career and give all your time to him. But one day, he suddenly break off with you. And. you're done. Hmmm.. I wouldn't want that to happen to me. Altho I said that love should not affect our lives but I can't deny it wouldn't affect mine. Maybe I gave my love to the max "

Yes, we're too young for love.
Yes, we're too immature to stable our relationship

Yes, we're too young to think about all these

Yes, we're childish and may frequently fight.

That might hurt ourself in the end.

but i don't care.

_________________________________________________________________________

And I thought maybe my sis would understand me.
She said that what she's doing is all just for my own good.
Yes, i trust that but,

I have feelings too.

Actually i'm weaker than i look.

And I actually thought at last everything started to be alright.

From the beginning i typed this post,
my tears never stop flowing.

Since 1 i already started.

This feeling is ain't no different than the feeling which we call ;

disappointed.